Trust Me?

A few months ago my daughter started a gymnastics class, and I have quickly become friends with a number of the other moms. At first we just chatted during class, but recently we’ve begun seeing each other outside of gymnastics. It started with having coffee every few weeks or so and most recently, we have joined an exercise class while the girls are in school. I like these women very much, and we seem to have a lot in common. Here’s the issue: In my 20’s, I got burned really bad by a group of friends, and I’m afraid to let myself get close to another group of women. It’s been 10 years, but it still hurts. Should I let my guard down?

Hi honey, I completely understand that kind of hurt and have experienced it myself more times than I care to remember. I can’t tell you whether or not to let your guard down, but I’d encourage you to trust your gut. Always.

Many years ago, I had a group of very close friends. We vacationed and spent weekends and holidays together for several years.

I started to get a weird vibe from one woman … that she didn’t like me. I confronted her about it, but she assured me it was all in my head. Shortly after our tight-knit group fell apart, one by one our other friends confessed to me that she’d told them things in an effort to skew their view of me. Although, the outcome would have remained the same, trusting my gut and removing myself from the situation sooner, could have spared me a lot of hurt.

Here’s the thing, sweetheart. You are 10 years older and probably a million years wiser than you were in the past. You can let people into your life without giving them the tools and permission to break your heart. Perhaps your old friendship didn’t have the right –or any– kind of boundaries? Many women aren’t bad/catty/gossipy/fake/jealous/malicious or whatever adjective applies to your former friends. And if you are putting  good vibes out into the world, you’re probably attracting kind, good, positive people into your own world.

So let your guard down? Mmmmmm, maybe a little. Trust yourself and your own instincts. Also, I’d love to hear more about that exercise class 😉

For encouragement, commiseration, or just to see what mischief my puppy’s getting into, visit me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. I look forward to connecting!

Connection not Comparison

I love to entertain. I like hosting dinner parties, game nights, girls’ nights, taco nights you name it, really any excuse to have people gather at my house. We have a wonderful and ever-growing and evolving group of friends, but here’s the thing: Most of my friends have beautiful homes. Like magazine gorgeous homes. My house is small. My furniture is old-ish. I keep things tidy, but I’m not a clean freak. So, I often talk myself out of inviting friends over because I feel inadequate about my house. This is ridiculous; right? So why can’t I get over it?

Hi Honey, I get this and admire you (I am mostly a hermit.) Let me ask you a few things: What do you enjoy most about hosting get-togethers? Do you like hanging out and laughing with your friends? Sharing stories and wine? Do you like to nurture and care for people by feeding them?

Chances are if you love entertaining people, people love coming to your house. I imagine you radiate hospitality and warmth, and your guests probably couldn’t even describe what your old’ish furniture looks like because they come to your house for you: your heart, your love, your kind and welcoming spirit. Maybe the food too?

Lots of my friends have beautiful homes as well, but what sticks out when I visit them is not the size or decor but the energy. It sounds like your home has good energy. I rid myself of people who came to my house with white gloves on, and it sounds like you have too, so don’t get caught in the comparison trap.

I don’t love to host or attend big parties. They drain me. I’m a one-on-one type of person. However, after failed attempts at being part of organized religious groups, hanging out with friends, eating, drinking, talking, laughing has become “church” for me.

So host away! More girls’ nights, taco nights and dinner parties. Play games and share stories and have communion with your friends. Enjoy your parties and don’t give a second thought to whose house is bigger or better because yours is happy and filled with love and so are you.

xoxo